So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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