why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
