I think I won the penis lottery.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
