Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
