you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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