I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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