Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am puke
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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