I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
