If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
