I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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