just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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