i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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