had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
