She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's the barista slut.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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