Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
