you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
