I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
