Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
