Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She bit a glass in half.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
