While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
