Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
