I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
