3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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