these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
