i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
