Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
