PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
