I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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