He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
