So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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