Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize