I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
