waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize