i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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