i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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