We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
