got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god it's open bar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
