i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
