Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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