Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize