I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Randomize
