I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize