Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
