Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
