No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
