Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
