I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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