I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
