So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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