After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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