You just made me feel so damn special
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
