yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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