I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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