Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
