i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My vagina just recognized that song.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
