i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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