So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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