Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
