I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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