I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
