You can't motorboat a personality
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
