This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
