haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize