she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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