"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
