Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
