Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
