You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
