Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
