i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
