Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
