if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
