I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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